We all do it. We say we aren't going to do it but then the spite takes over and we are caught doing it.
"I got my best friend a gift from Tiffany's for her wedding. TIFFANY'S! And she had the nerve to get me a Target gift card?!?!"
"I bought dinner for my cousins the last two times we went out and THIS time...THE THIRD TIME...they didn't even reach for the bill when it came!!"
"When my sister was stranded without a car I volunteered and helped her with all of her errands until she got it back. Now the tables are turned and that witch doesn't even ask me if I need any help!"
Okay...these things above would ALL piss me right off. Some of them have happened to me in some form or another. Especially being dubbed as "reliable" my entire life 🙄 But maybe if we break this down together it will become easier to be bigger than keeping score, no promises. But let's at least try 😉
If you don't keep score, you might feel taken advantage of, right? Or somewhat like a pushover. Well, I've thought this many times. But keeping score and having "expectations" has actually made me angrier than not. Why expect more from people than they are generally capable of? So be reasonable.
Dont offer to pay for bills with people you don't know very well. Always go for the split. That way you can get comfortable and see what someone else's dining style is. Some people are NEVER going to volunteer to pick up the bill. It could be because they simply don't have the money to pay for two meals, or they are used to others always picking it up for them. So to avoid embarrassing them, or putting yourself in the enabler category for them, just offer the split. There's nothing wrong with this, and it will save you from paying for every meal and growing angrier by the day!
Gifts are tough. I don't do gifts as much anymore because they just seem to cause grief, when the point of giving is to do it with joy! Ass backwards, right? Well here's my solution on gifts. Stick to lists. Ask people for a list of what they want. Tell them your on a budget and hopefully they stick to that, respectfully. When it comes to weddings, definitely stick to the registry. Going off registry to be "creative" or "thoughtful" might actually insult someone. Monetary gifts certainly can offend some. And if you are very generous, don't expect people to remember and return the favor. As gift giving goes...we all soon forget what others do for us in these regards. Better to do something reasonable, rather than to stretch the limits and expect a return on investment!
Your time is VALUABLE! Don't volunteer it unless it's going to make you happy! If you have a friend who needs help and you want to spend the time with them anyway, volunteer away! But if you are looking to get a favor down the line...yikes. Don't count on it. For instance, our good friends helped us pack our moving pod this year. We moved all the way across the country. You think we can help them move next time? Hell to the no! We live on the other side of the country now! But we got to spend our last day in town with great friends and we are forever grateful for that help.
Did this blog help anyone feel better about keeping score? It helped me a bit to write it honestly. But I can't say that I'll never do it again. Hopefully when I feel the anger boiling up in my soul the next time I feel slighted though, I'll recall this blog, count to ten and adjust so that hopefully there won't be a next time with the same party! Also, think about what would happen if our parents kept score 😳 Yeah. Let's hope they don't start!